In case you haven’t noticed, the URL of my little corner of the Internet has changed ever so slightly (dropped the /blog) so if you’re one of the 3 people subscribed to my blog, make sure you update the subscription URL accordingly so you can continue to not read what I don’t write.
I have about six different posts in various stages of incomplete thoughts. Some are more thought out than most, but really, the only differences between the majority of them is the number of sentences (or even words in some select cases) in the draft. It’s kind of disheartening and frustrating.
I’ve documented my bouts with Writer’s block before and while I’m not ready to cop to another round of it, I know there is something blocking my ability to fully form my thoughts into coherent sentences.
So what do I have in my draft file?
1) My reactions to my mom saying things going back to normal after my sister and the BF returned home following my graduation. Yes, way back in May. I was going to write about my desire for creating a new normal but just couldn’t flesh out the idea.
2) My job search progress. I started this a few months ago to ruminate on my current processes and wondering where I’m going wrong. I started it and then abandoned it when I simply lost interest in the topic. As a quick update, I did have an interview last week though haven’t heard back. Bummer. The job was sooo perfect for me!
3) That weird spot between deciding you want to marry your significant other and actually getting engaged. It’s kind of awkward floating in “engagement purgatory,” especially when there are some extenuating circumstances (long distance, jobs, you know, the usual ) keeping you in a prolonged holding pattern. This was really a hot topic in my head but when I started to write, I just kept getting confused and lost steam.
4) Why I don’t think I want to start my own business. I get calls all the time about starting my own business, whether it’s to sell my crafts or to plan parties and while I think it could eventually become a nice little side job, I just don’t have any real desire to make it happen.
5) My primary care doctors and why I’m secretly in platonic love with one of them. Hint: It’s his clothes.
6) What I would splurge on if I did, in fact, splurge.
So there, that’s what I have in the pipeline for the blog. But with the depth of material, sometimes I wonder if I’m really dedicated to continue blogging. Is this something I really want to do? Because if it was, I’d have no problem blogging. Is it because I usually don’t get comments? Comments are motivating pieces of crack since you know for sure that people read and possibly enjoyed what you wrote, but do I write commentable posts? Do I make you think? Is that really my goal? To make you think? Or is it just a little space for a quick, breezy read that hopefully makes you at least chuckle? Maybe I should go back to stream of consciousness writing? Nah, I don’t want to go back there. while it was easy to get a post written practically everyday, my earlier writings are so unfocused and comical that it’s kind of hard to go back and read them and I don’t think I really want to go back there.
Huh, that last paragraph was a little stream of consciousness writing. That wasn’t so bad. Maybe I should try it out more often.
But in the end, isn’t it funny how I always seem to have no problem writing about my Writer’s Block? What is that all about? #Irony.
Or at least a swift push in the right direction.
Sometimes the most frustrating thing about writing is wanting to write but not knowing what to write. I’ve been struggling with this inane “Writer’s block” for a while, which would explain the obvious lack of posts in the past year. I want desperately to write but for the most part, have been feeling generally uninspired once I pull up my blog editor.
I’ve noticed that I’ve been treating my blog as if I were writing a paper for class: have a general idea of what I want to write about, open my blog, write a sentence, delete the sentence, write another one, check Facebook, then my email, then ModCloth, Twitter, my other email, Twitter, and then I need to Google “how to pronounce Siobhan” [it's not "See-ob-han" in case you're wondering]. And then, the next thing I know, it’s an hour later and I have nothing. Except for that random period that somehow survived the mass deletion the first time around. Erasing fail.
So what’s exactly the cause of this apparent writer’s malaise? I suspect it’s probably a combination of many factors but mainly the pressure to produce a witty, insightful and interesting post and the perception of not having anything worthwhile to blog about. Which is really stupid since I have actually done stuff worth writing about, like how I pushed myself past my own comfort zone and socialized with strangers. By myself. Or the day I spent with the SFFD. Or the lovely revelations I had during my most recent visit with the bf. There are plenty of things to talk about, not only from my own life, but from the world in general.
Which begs the question: if there is plenty of content that I can draw from, what is the issue? Deep down, I suspect that I’m not worthy of writing anything because I’m not working. If that’s so, when did my entire identity become dependent upon one singular aspect of my life?
I know I’m more than my job. I have other things to contribute to the world besides working. And it’s not like I ever really wrote about my job in detail on the blog anyway so why am I so hung up on that? That sounds like fodder for another post. But the pressure of writing is very real. It happens and it can be incredibly crippling. I constantly try to remind myself that while I may not write as hilariously as Jenny at The Bloggess or as eloquently as Jose at The Jose Vilson, it’s okay. All I can be is me. Sometimes I’m hilarious and sometimes I’m eloquent but I know I’m not like that all the time. Way too exhausting. But I can weave my fair share of fantastical tales and have my own distinct voice that is definitely worthy of being heard.
So how do I combat this severe writer’s block? I plan on writing for the sake of writing in an attempt to remember that I actually LOVE writing and that writing isn’t a chore but a pleasure. I’ve come to realize that Academic writing has killed my soul. But all is not lost though; I do still get the overwhelming urge to write something so at least it’s not all dead. Just mostly dead. But you can totally come back from being mostly dead.
But I’ll be back to update you on my trip and my failure to keep my weekly Running on Asphalt series going [it's not like it's a lot of work, it's just enough work to discourage me from continuing on a weekly basis], the bf and my trip to IFly SF for some indoor skydiving [hopefully with video!] and possibly start to reveal my super top secret plans for my 30th birthday coming in August.
Yes, I’m going to be 30. In August. THIS AUGUST.
Until then, enjoy your Fourth of July weekend and I’ll see you next week!
So you want to know how to have a life that’s worth blogging about. It’s as easy as 1-2-3. No seriously. It is.
Step 1: Get a life
Now is the time to start doing stuff. What stuff you do is up to you. It can be crafting, surfing, running, hiking, shopping, cooking [or your attempts to cook], dressing up in a mascot costume and traipsing around the city? I’m not here to judge. Whatever floats your boat.
Step 2: Start a blog
This is pretty self-explanatory. Apparently more self-explanatory than getting a life. Weird how that is isn’t?
Step 3: Write about the stuff you’re doing
Okay, so here’s a little math: Step 1 + Step 2 = Step 3.
Prefer word problems? So remember all that stuff you did in step 1? Now take all the memories of those things and write about it in the blog you started in step 2. Then hit publish, and lean back with a smug productive smile on your face. Wham, bam thank you ma’am, you’re done!
And that, my friends, is how you have a bloggable life.
So the memory card reader on Sarge, my laptop, went kaput sometime in January. I don’t know why or how it happened but when I tried to upload the pictures I took from Monterey while the bf was visiting [I'll write it about, I promise!] my camera program announced that there weren’t any pictures on the memory card. How could you say there are no pictures on the memory card, camera program? That’s funny, because I JUST saw them on the camera. Thinking my camera program was acting stupid, I decided to check directly with the drive and wouldn’t you know, Sarge told me to insert a memory card.
You mean the memory card that is currently in the G drive? That one? Because it’s already in there. Lies! Lies I say!
After a pretty involved chat with a Dell tech rep [in which she went all ghostwriter on my laptop and took control over it] I was left with the option of living with a broken card reader or relinquish Sarge for a week or so to have it repaired. Since Sarge is still under warranty I decided to just turn him over to get fixed. How often does something break while it’s still under warranty? I HAD to take this opportunity to get it fixed.
So alas, I will be laptop less for a little bit. Granted, my mom has offered me the use of her laptop and we do have the ginormous dinosaur downstairs but I foresee a future of limited Internet access until Sarge is returned, which is basically the longest, more drawn out way of saying I won’t be posting here for a bit.
This is where you roll your eyes and say, “So what’s new?”
I miss you. Really I do. At the moment, I’m doing battle with my term paper [well, not actually right this VERY moment, since I'm obviously using you to distract from that hot piece of mess]. You know the one I should have started a month ago but didn’t? No, not that one. No, not that one either. The other one. No…okay, okay. I do this A LOT.
But I’m going into the last week of school [FOREVER!] and things should start to settle down a bit soon. Just hang in there. I’ll be back soon. I promise.
No, this time I’m for real. Okay, so you’ve heard it all before. Just be happy I come back at all.
Wait, I didn’t mean it like that.
There are a TON of things I want to write about but its always a little hard to get that motivation to actually sit down and write it down. I have all these great ideas and sit down to write it but then I hit that stupid block that makes everything I write sound so insanely tedious, like I’m trying too hard to be witty and funny and you know how much I prefer to make it look like everything came together so effortlessly even though I was just running around like a headless chicken. I can be breezy.
I really don’t like coming through the blog and seeing so many empty dates on that calendar. Maybe I should get rid of it. Hmm. Its just an interesting change from my Xanga days and the early days of this spot because I used to write every day, a lot of it about nonsense but it was something. I have noticed a bit of an evolution in my blog posts though: they’re a whole lot more focused than they used to be, which is a lot easier to read, believe you me. I almost cringe a little when I read through the archives. You can call me Cringer. Except I’m not really lazy. or cowardly. At least, not really.
The problem is, I get a lot of ideas while I’m driving and there’s no way to write them down and by the time I get home, I’ve forgotten the brilliant plot I had so cleverly imagined. I’ve been thinking of either recording my rambles as I drive or doing the occasional vlog to help keep the writing flowing. I think it would be fun, the vlog thing. Though I will warn you that I probably don’t sound like you’d expect.
Or maybe I do.
There are so many things tumbling around in my mind that I want to write about but I can’t settle down long enough to figure out what to write about first. I’ve started like, three different posts but they’re all just sitting there because I lose interest because maybe I should write about something else first.
Here’s a list of things I want to write about:
1) my new car
2) highlights from my Michigan trip. Vignettes include: playing with frog’s legs, riding roller coaster, and crying at Toy Story 3 and wondering when I became so soft
3) my mini eating tour of the Napa Wine Valley
4) my new obsession with Thomas Keller and macarons
5) my borderline inappropriate fantasies of organizing and redecorating
6) an open letter to the Michigan Department of Transportation
I think there is more but I can’t think of them. So you see my issue here. It’s not like I’m at a loss for topics to write about. I just need help focusing. So help me out. Which would you like to read about first?
Just wanted to wish you and yours a fun and safe Fourth of July. Get outside to enjoy the good weather, good food and great company. And save me some barbeque!
Also, enjoy the sneak peak of my new blog redesign. It’s a work in progress [thanks darling!] so feel free to keep checking back to see what’s new! I’ll let you know when the final design goes live. I’m working on a new writing schedule so hopefully that’ll help me get back into the mode of writing more often so you and my blog will be free from non-updates.
Independence day indeed.